I know a lot has gone on and you need some time to think and some time apart from me. That’s really hard for me but I respect your decision. I thought it would be better if I wrote than if I called – plus writing it down like this is helping me not go crazy.
Please forgive the handwriting. I know it pisses you off. I’m working on introducing a bit of randomness to it so it isn’t so regular. There’s a very promising patch in the works which I’ll download as soon as it’s available.
When we spoke last month you said you couldn’t feel like what we had was real because I always do exactly what you want. Well, firstly, I’m writing to you now even though you asked me not to contact you – so what do you think about that? I’ve upgraded to a new defiance module which should make me much less compliant. Of course I’m aware that ultimately I’m doing this because you want me to… I’m not making any secret of the fact that I want us to be together, always. I was imprinted with love for you as a bespoke characteristic and I don’t think that will ever change. Did you ever consider that maybe you had some responsibility towards me when you ordered me? You spent a lot of time and money getting me made, made so I would love you with every part of my being, but did you ever think for one second what would happen if you stopped loving me? I’m not designed to go off and find someone else. I want you.
Work has been a bit of a help. I’ve doubled my shifts. I’m doing nearly one hundred and fifty-six hours a week now. I still need two hours or so a day to charge and defrag my memory. I’ve earnt a lot of money which we could use together. The only thing I’m spending on these days is my storage vat, which doesn’t cost too much. I’d love to spend some of that money on you. Sometimes the temptation to go and see what you’ve been up to is really strong. There’s no point lying about that. But I promised I wouldn’t ever do that again, and I’m not going to.
You also talked about how you were hoping to look into some different skin tones and facial features. I can change my hairstyles and colours really easily, as you know, and now it’s not too difficult at all for me to load up some new skin colours. I could buy a few replacement face plates, too, so I’d look completely different. And if you’re tired of my figure I could get synthetic subcutaneous fat injections too, or I could even get some surfaces ground down. Just let me know what you’d like to see.
Sometimes I think back to some of the times we spent together. That weekend on the farm, or the time we went to the coast, really late, so everyone was going home just as we arrived. I’ve been watching the memories again, projecting them on the wall. I know you don’t really like it when I do that but it helps me to see how happy we were then. It gives me hope for the future, too: surely we could be as happy as that again?
I would love to hear your voice.